I'm happy to be back home again after a grueling season of weddings and funeral-related activity. My stepmom and I wished happy birthday to my father's spirit last week in Houston, staying in the glamorous guest suite of the retirement home where my plucky 89-year-old Granny lives. Featured activities were Rummikub, crossword puzzles, and surreptitious drinking.
On a lighter note, mazeltov to the new Mr. and Mrs. Degrassi, whose marriage I officiated this Saturday on the dock of the Riverview, a Long Island seafood restaurant. A surpassingly beautiful event! I have always loved my beautiful cousin Melissa, who is sweet, loyal and mysterious as the honeybee from which she takes her name. The night Rich proposed to Melissa, he was stung by a bee and his hand swelled to twice its size.
I have been honored to participate in many seminal events in Melissa's life, including being the patient for her dental boards, a harrowing experience in which I had to appear in public wearing a dental dam and drool-soaked bib. In exchange, she gets me things like Sonicare brushes and low-cost bleach for my yellow teeth.
I've never really seen a ghost, unless you count that one time I did whippets, had a near-death experience, and saw someone who might have been Jesus. Portents have always surrounded Rich and Melissa, however, who live in the haunted town of Amityville. The day after the wedding, while she was resting in bed, Grandpa Harold and Uncle David appeared before the bride. They gave their blessing to the union.